Scars
by wilsonstories
Summary: Even though I loved the scenes yesterday I was missing something... so here it is. Old memories and emotions find their way to the surface. Characters belong to DOOL


**Hi everyone, yesterdays episode triggered something, so here it is. I hope you all enjoy it, please let me know what you think, your reviews always make my day!**

**Will's POV**

A gunshot. And then another one. Suddenly the party is a crime scene, and people who were just laughing and happy are now shouting at the top of their voice, while fear covers their eyes. I feel my body tense up the moment I hear Abi scream:

"She has a gun."

And when I hear the first shot I dive to the ground, hiding behind the bar. People are screaming, but in this moment it is nothing but mere background noise to me. Instead I hear the rapid breath of my boyfriend in my ear, while I feel the pounding of his heart against mu shoulder. His arms are locked around me, squeezing me so tight it actually hurts a bit. His body is curled around mine as though he wants to shield me from what is going on around us. And despite the gunshots and all the drama that is going on, I feel safe and protected. I turn my head slightly and see how all the colour in his face has disappeared. He avoids my eyes when I try to make eye contact, and it seems as though he needs all his strength to keep himself together. When everyone around us stands up, we follow slowly. His arms let me go in a slightly reluctant way, and suddenly we are in the middle of everything. Without thinking I jump forward, grabbing the shooter when she seems to collapse. One of my best friends is lying on the floor, covered in his own blood. With everything I have I try to prevent the situation from getting any worse, being utterly aware that only a few feet away I find my boyfriend who is ready to protect me with his own life.

(...)

When we are at the hospital I can finally look him in his eyes.

"You OK?"

I don't really know what to say to that so I shrug my shoulders and just ask it right back:

"You OK?"

For a short moment he hides his face in his hands. Then he takes a deep breath and starts talking about how it could have been worse, and then he starts to talk about Chad. But before he can finish that sentence I hold him close and tell him that everything is going to be alright. But the way he clings to me in a slightly desperate manner, makes me feel there is something else going through his mind, something he doesn't tell me. I try to fold myself around him, to make him feel as safe and protected as I did when he was holding me behind the bar. Now it is my turn to be his strength and I pray to God I am strong enough to help him.

(...)

Similar to the way he desperately held on to me at the hospital, is his desperate haste while he is walking in front of me towards the club. I can barely keep up with him and finally I pull him towards me and urge him to turn around. He explains how he wants to do something, how he was not the right blood type to donate blood, and how he wants to make sandwiches. I look at his beautiful face, and see how worried he is. He looks like he is about to cry and the fear in his eyes is almost touchable. And even though his words focus on Chad, I see something that goes deeper, something that reaches his very soul, something that touches the core of his being. But he is still hiding his heart behind a stone wall, and I decide to help him with his sandwiches, hoping he will open up to me at some point. The moment we walk into the club he gets busy. His body is strained and he talks too fast, which is yet another sign for me know he is not alright at all. When the coffee beans spill over the counter, I turn him around so he has to face me and I say softly:

"I want to talk to you..."

And we talk. About Chad, and about what a nice friend he is. We talk about how he took a bullet for his brother, and we smile when we realise how he always supported us as a couple. I am happy to see Sonny's smile, but nonetheless there is something standing between us, as I see that the smile is not really touching his eyes yet. But he obviously is not ready to tell me what moves him so deeply, so I let it go and together get started on the sandwiches.

(...)

The way Sonny leans into me when he hears the good news makes me want to hold him and never let him go. His smile is bright and he finally seems to be able to breathe again, but his eyes are still telling me his heart is heavy. As Chad is now in recovery we decide to go home. Sonny's fingers are still closely intertwined with mine while we walk towards his car, and neither of us wants to let go. He is quiet now. Earlier he talked and talked and talked, and now he doesn't speak at all. Instead he pulls my hand a bit closer to him and his other hand grabs my underarm. I look at him from aside and stroke his hand softly with my thumb.

"You want to drive?"

He shakes his head:

"No, you drive..."

When we reach the car he reluctantly lets go of my arm and we slide next to each other in the front of his car. Ten minutes later we are home and after we cuddled with Arianna, reminding ourselves what a miracle life is, we get ready for bed. I strip down to my boxers and crawl under the covers. I look at him while he is fiddling with his shirt, his watch and his shoes. When he is also only wearing his boxers I can see how his whole body seems to fight something as his muscles are tense and strained, but I am still not sure what he is fighting. I suddenly can't hold back anymore and say:

"Sonny, come here..."

He looks at me quickly, while a blush covers his cheeks. Then he shakes his head and says:

"I'll be right back."

He walks out of our bedroom, and I hear the bathroom door open and close. I sit up against the head board of our bed, and wait for him to return. But ten minutes later he is still in the bathroom, and now I know for sure something is wrong. I get up and walk towards the bathroom, and my hand reaches out to turn the doorknob. But just before I open the unlocked door I hear a muffled sniff. My heart skips a beat when I realise he is crying. My sweet, strong, beautiful Sonny I crying. I slowly push the door open and find him sitting on the floor, with his back against the shower cabin. He is hiding his face in his hands, and sobs rip through his body while he is unable to control them.

"Sonny."

I don't say anything else while I sit down next to him and pull his head to my chest. He is soft in my arms and doesn't resist when I hold him close to me. Even though I hate to see him like this, I am happy to find that the wall between us is gone. I hug him close and stroke his back, his shoulders, and his hair to calm him down, but so far I am not very successful. Many emotions seem to need to find their way out and he is unable to stop them. My body shakes with his, and seeing him like this brings tears to my eyes. When he finally seems to calm down a little bit he turns around. His arms fold around me and he hides his face in my neck. I try to hold him even closer while my heart breaks when I feel the wetness from his tears against my skin.

"Son... talk to me..."

He nods his head, and I wait patiently for when he is ready to share his thought and feelings. My hand draws invisible patterns on his back while he gathers his strength to tell me what has him so upset. Finally, he says something. It is a soft whisper, but suddenly I understand everything:

"You were shot..."

I don't understand how I never thought of that. The moment I heard the gun I had a quick flashback to that horrible moment on the island, but because I was unconscious right after I was shot, there was not much more to it. But Sonny... Sonny had to hear from Hope that I was shot, he had to wait for hours until I was out of surgery, and then he had to wait even longer until I woke up, and all this time there was a possibility I wouldn't make it. He never told me about how scared he was during those hours, but my father once said to me:

"During that time I realised how much he loves you."

The way he said it and the way he looks at me told me that Sonny must have been very upset and very frightened, but we never talked about it. And now I realise once again that his flashback must be much longer and much more intense than mine, and I feel stupid for not thinking about this before.

"Oh honey..."

He is crying again. I can feel the tears dripping in my neck and I reach up to fold my arm around his head as I usually do when he needs me to comfort him. The way he hold me now is the same as when he clung to me at the hospital, and I know that all he wants now is for me to hold him close, make him feel shielded from the outside world. And every time he needs that I cradle his head in my arm and pull him close.

"Oh sweety, I am so sorry..."

We sit there quietly for a while until he moves and sits up. His eyes are red and puffy, he looks incredibly tired, and my heart hurts for him. He clears his throat and I know he has to talk. I grab a hold of both of his hands and listen to him pouring out his heart in front of me:

"When I heard the gun shot everything came rushing back... you know... and I panicked so I just grabbed you and held you close... I just... I just knew that I don't want to go through that again... all I could think about was you and how I wanted you safe...and then I was worried about Chad, who is my best friend... but more than that... I don't know... I realised how scared I was when you were shot, and how afraid I was to lose you and how I just need you with me..."

I bite my bottom lip and wonder whether he knows that he just gave me the most heartfelt declaration of love anyone could ever get. Even though the words tumble out of him, and the sentences are unfinished and sometimes illogical, they are the vocalisation of his love for me and they speak straight to my heart. My hands reach up and cup his face gently and tenderly, showing how he is the most precious possession I have. His eyes finally look up and meet mine, and I have to swallow before I can speak:

"I love you Sonny... and I am alright... OK?"

He nods his head while he reaches up to wipe away the dampness on his face.

"I know... I just... I don't know... It suddenly hit me that it can happen again... you can get hurt again... and I just don't know how to deal with that..."

I move around a bit so he is sitting between my legs. I pull him close and he rests his head on my shoulder. He sighs deeply and lets his hands roam my chest. Then he whispers:

"I am cold and tired..."

I smile and squeeze him close one more time and then we get up to get to bed. We are both cold from sitting almost naked on the bathroom floor, and we curl up in each other to warm up. In his voice I hear an undertone of embarrassment when he says:

"I'm sorry I lost it tonight..."

I shake my head saying:

"No Sonny... don't say that. You were scared, and you have every right to be scared... and I was just glad you let me be there for you..."

"Yeah... as long as you don't think I am weak though..."

"Sonny, don't be stupid... you are the strongest person I know and I love you so much... so much I cannot even begin to explain it...and I want to know everything about you... everything... happy and sad... just everything"

I feel him smile against my skin and my heart suddenly feels lighter. And when he teases me I know he feels better:

"You want to know everything? Be careful what you wish for..."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I just think you should be careful whishing stuff like that..."

"You are not scaring me Kiriakis, I know what I want..."

His lips kiss my shoulder softly and then he whispers:

"OK, I will tell you something you don't know about me yet..."

Beneath the breezy tone, I hear the seriousness come through, but I decide to play along.

"OK, tell me something earth shattering about you that I don't know yet..."

He leans up on one of his elbows and I can see the shimmer in his dark eyes. His tongue wets his lips quickly before he says:

"I am a dreamer. I dream about the future a lot. And sometimes I dream about what happens in three years, and something about what happens in ten years, and sometimes about what happens in fifty years... And all those dreams are focus on one thing only... you"

I feel like I am drowning in the deepness of his chocolate eyes. But I shake my head, while I softly stroke his chest:

"Not good enough babe, you promised me to tell me something new..."

He smiles shyly:

"I thought that was something new..."

I stare into his eyes, realising that they are more beautiful than anything else I have ever seen and I say:

"No babe... you and I are meant to be, forever, that is nothing new, I have known that from the moment I looked into those beautiful eyes of yours..."

I smile when he leans over to kiss me, and when I feel his lips on mine I feel how swollen they still are from when he was crying against my shoulder. I murmur softly:

"Son... you said you are tired... we don't have to do this."

He takes advantage and slides his tongue in my mouth while I opened it to say those words. I am not complaining though and surrender to his touch. While he licks his way to my neck he whispers softly:

"There you have it then... something... new... about me...although... I though... you... already... knew this."

"What..."

My question is breathless and I can't help but moan when he sucks just below my earlobe.

"No matter... how tired... or how sad... or how old... or whatever..."

Suddenly, instead of the sweet soft licks and nibbles, his lips catch my skin and suck hard, and I am pretty sure I have to wear a turtle neck tomorrow. When he lets go his tongue softly sooths my skin and then he leans up so he can look into my eyes:

"Nothing will ever stop me from doing this..."


End file.
